Tips for Dads & Kids Watching the Super Bowl Together

One of a Dad's simple pleasures is watching TV sports together with his kids and/or stepkids. But what about those moments (like during some questionable commercials) when you want to cover your child's eyes with your hands?

Here are a few simple tips from The Dad Man to help fathers and stepfathers get more out of watching February 7's Super Bowl 44 (and other TV sportscasts) with their daughters and sons.

1. Spend part of Sunday (or any) afternoon tossing the ball around with your kids. Dads who are physically active with their daughters & sons increase the odds that they'll grow up healthy and strong.
2. If she doesn't like to play catch, take a walk or bike ride together. Let your child know that you enjoy being with her. The time together may give her an opportunity to share what is going on in her life. Kids may see our enthusiasm for sports and think we're more interested in our favorite team than in them. Making time for them on Super Bowl Sunday (and every other day) can counter that perception.
3. Try to watch the broadcast through your child's eyes. Would any images, commercials, or events look or feel different if it was your kid on the screen? What does he think of all the hype about commercials during the game? Share your perceptions with him and ask him what he thinks.
4. When watching the game, be aware that the things your child or stepchild sees may be entirely different from what you see. For example, instead of enjoying the game, is your daughter feeling inadequate while comparing her body to the "perfect" cheerleaders or hyper-sexualized women in the ads? What misconceptions might the commercials give your son about what it means to be a "real" man?
5. Use the remote! If you see disrespectful or objectifying ads and images, change the channel so you, your kids, and your family don't have those images in your home. Let your kids know why you decided to flip and ask for their feedback.
6. Compare the number of female sports announcers (many fewer) and their roles (usually on the sidelines) to the number and role of the male announcers. Tell your kids what you think about those numbers. Do they mean that your daughter can't be as big a fan as you or your son? Do you want your sons or daughters to have their career aspirations curtailed by their gender?
7. Ask your kids which players and coaches they admire or see as heroes. Tell them which ones you admire, and then share your reasons with each other.
8. After the game, debate your opinions on the crucial plays and most exciting moments. Then invite your children or stepchildren to do something special together next Sunday to keep these conversations rolling and to convince them that the most important man in their lives takes them seriously-and enjoys being with them!
9. Use the Super Bowl to become more media-literate and sensitive to your children's experience. Pay more attention to how media portray boys, girls, women and men. When you see an advertisement or program, ask "What if it was my child in that picture?", and then reassess your reaction to it.

Get more fathering resources at www.TheDadMan.com.

The Holidays: Acquisition or Altruism?

For parents trying to pass on positive values to children in a commercialized culture, the December holidays pose an especially difficult challenge.  Each year, holiday marketing begins earlier. And our children, targets for marketing all year round, face an ever-intensified onslaught of advertising designed to supplant the cultural, spiritual, social-political meaning of the holidays with celebration of materialistic acquisition instead of altruism, spending instead of spirituality, and getting instead of giving.

That’s why I wrote a contribution to the Campaign for Commercial Free Childhood’s  CCFC Guide to Commercial-Free Holidays.

Of course, there's no one size fits all method for getting through the holidays with your values intact.  So the CCFC guide provides an array of suggestions, from people we respect and admire, for reclaiming your family celebrations from marketers. Please check it out.

Father-Child Gratitude

Sometimes we’re so busy trying to get though today’s crazed schedule—or preparing for tomorrow’s and the next day’s—that we forget to talk about the most important things. Especially at this time of year.

Here’s a quick and simple exercise, appropriate for Thanksgiving week, to better understand how important you and your child or stepchild are to each other.

Jot down 10 things you are grateful for as a Dad. Make sure that at least 5 of those things relate directly to this individual child—what you are grateful to her or him for…or what it is about this child that you want to give thanks for.

Type up your list and print it out nicely so that you can present it to your child. Feel free to decorate it, use fancy fonts, or keep it very simple. Then, give to your child.

Invite your child to write down 10 things she or he is grateful for about being a part of the family you both belong to—and invite her or him to share that list with the rest of the family.

Few of us spend a lot of conscious energy thinking about gratitude, so it can’t take some effort and concentration to articulate the things for which we are grateful. That’s OK—like most essential things in fathering, what is hard is also worthwhile.

Here at The Dad Man, we’re very grateful that you care so much about healthy, engaged fathering. Happy Thanksgiving!

10 TIPS FOR PREVENTING CYBER BULLYING

These tips come courtesy of Ellen Ohlenbusch, President of McGruff SafeGuard (www.GoMcGruff.com)

1. Keep computers in an open area – not in a child’s bedroom

2. Tell kids to keep passwords safe, private and difficult to guess – no pet names as passwords!

3. Don’t allow your child to maintain multiple accounts with alias names

4. Teach children to respect others online, as they would in person

5. Discuss bullying and the emotional impact it creates 

6. Discuss what content is and is not appropriate to share online

7. Tell kids that what they post online is “out there” forever – they can’t control how other people will use their photos or information

8. Discuss how ‘piling’ on is not appropriate.  That while they may not start something, if they see cyber bullying happening, they should not contribute.  [editorial comment from Joe Kelly: I think we also must help our kids learn how to intervene—one of the biggest contributors to bullying is the passivity of bystanders. See the Surviving Bullies website.]

9. Set a clear standard/example for your children to follow

10. Install a parental monitoring software that sends email alerts if cyber-bullying is detected.

Making a Difference-Preventing Violence

    

As fathers and stepfathers of daughters, we realize our unique  responsibility to assist in the primary prevention of sexual and domestic violence. But too many men don’t think we have a role.

That’s why I’d like you to join me at the “Men Can Make A Difference” conference October 2nd ad 3rd At Cragun’s Resort outside Brainerd, Minnesota. I’ll be conducting two workshops there and the featured speakers include Tony Porter (left) Co-Founder of A Call to Men and Robert Jensen (right), the University of Texas professor who does so much to show pornography’s devastating role in defining masculinity.

Learn more and register at www.menaspeacemakers.org/programs/mnman/conference.

I hope to see you there.

That Ain’t MY Baby!

If you work with expectant parents (or are an expectant dad yourself), be sure you understand the power of language.

Remember that old Paul Anka hit, “Having My Baby?” Here’s a tip: Don’t ever say, “She’s having my baby.” (Sorry, Paul!)

Instead, say, “We’re having our baby.” Seem like a minor point? Well, it’s not. When you say “She’s having my baby,” it sounds like you own both the baby and the mom (you don’t) – a sentiment that may very well make your partner want to scream.

Anka’s song isn’t all bad. After all, he sings that having a baby is “a lovely way of sayin’ how much you love me.” But remember that it’s not just a lovely way for a woman to show that she loves a man – at its best, having a baby together is a sign of mutual love between the parents, regardless of gender. But (as you’ll soon learn), it’s a lot more than that, too.

The whole process of being an expectant father and a new dad is a “we” thing. You and your partner made this baby together, or decided together to adopt this baby. When you stop to think about it, that’s really a miracle! So, you both should do all you can to make sure you share it all.

Start by always remembering to tell people “We’re having a baby,” “We’re expecting,” “We’re adopting,” or “We’re pregnant.” Then, insist that others use similar terminology when referring to your pregnancy. That will help everyone (including you) get used to the idea that you are a full partner in this making and raising a baby gig.

Using this sort of verbiage also helps you avoid being shunted aside (or skulking away) when it comes to decisions about the pregnancy and arrival of the new child.

PS: The other thing you should be sure to say to your partner is “you’re beautiful” and “I love you”. Often.

The Value of Veteran Dads

Working with new fathers or stepfathers? Here’s is some food for thought to share:

It is kind of silly not to take advantage of all the knowledge and wisdom held by veteran dads—the fathers who’ve gone ahead of us on this road of raising kids. Still, fathers don’t make a habit of talking to each other about being dads. We’re more comfortable discussing the latest football trade than the pros and cons of teaching an infant to swim.

Fortunately, you don’t have to repeat any “strong and silent” or “fathering is for wimps” patterns. (Parenting is most definitely not for wimps, whatever they are) So use your courage to ask an experienced father for advice. Or just ask him to tell stories about when he and his partner were first starting out. He’ll probably be flattered, and happy to chat.

And don’t forget those veteran moms. Girls grow up hearing as much about parenting as we heard about baseball. So, when they grow up and become moms, they can also be valuable coaches for us rookies.

So, on the days when you feel panicked and overwhelmed, stop and ask for help and directions from a veteran dad or a parents’ hotline or warmline. Notice, I said “when” and not “if”. You will feel panicked and overwhelmed, so don’t . . . well, panic about it!

Luckily, along with the fear, you’ll also start feeling great pride in your accomplishments. Rightly so! You are making a big difference in the life of your infant. That pride will continue to be a great comfort and motivation through all your days as a father.

Learn more @ www.TheDadMan.com