How Can Dads Connect?

I got an email yesterday from the dad of 4 year old and 19 month old daughters who describes his marriage as “wonderful.” He asked: “How can I reach out to connect with my kids more at their age? Most of the info I read seems to be for older girls.”

If you’re a professional working with families, it’s good to remember how many fathers and stepfathers long to be close to their children—even if they don’t always talk about it. We also tend to put a lot of focus on father-child relationships when the child is older, which is why this dad has trouble finding resources for his situation.

Here are the 3 things I suggested that he try:

1) Join up with the free Yahoo group "DadTalk" and ask is question there. DadTalk has been around for 9 years and has a cadre of good dads and stepdads of daughters (with kids of all ages) with good suggestions based on their experience.

2) Get my book The Dads & Daughters Togetherness Guide: 54 Fun Activities to Help Build a Great Relationship. The title is self-explanatory, and the activities are divided by age of the girl. And, by the way, all of the activities in the book can be used by dads with sons, too. As well as by mothers, grandparents, other relatives…and family professionals like counselors, pastors, teachers, health care pros, etc. Just change the pronouns to meet your circumstances! ;-)

3) If you’re giving your daughters as much time and attention as possible, then don’t worry overly about your connection. Time and presence build the connection, IMHO. The time and attention can come while changing diapers, making dinner and other mundane tasks--it doesn’t all have to come in big, "special" activities. I've come to believe that our kids and us really get to know each other in the mundane, ordinary activities of life...as long as we are THERE during those mundane, ordinary activities. So, make sure you're showing up.

I hope these suggestions were helpful to him—and you, too. Share your ideas for how family professionals can promote and encourage dad-child connection in a comment below.