Father’s Day in Germany - Männertag, (Men's Day) or if you’re an Ossie,(East German) Herrentag - is celebrated on Ascension Day [this coming Thursday, May 21] and it’s a far cry from the Hallmark card bonanza celebrated in America…. It’s a day when men bond over funny anecdotes, bitch about their women and get as drunk as humanly possible. Traditionally, it’s a meeting of all ages: the older ones initiate the young. The day starts around noon and takes the form of a walking tour from village to village, with the men pulling beer-stuffed carts or riding bicycles with baskets filled with drink.
The article goes on with more detail, but there is no mention of kids or fathering. My friend writes: “It has nothing to do with Fathers--just men getting drunk, yes, in front of their kids too and thinking themselves very funny. Actually, Joe, it's atrocious. It doesn't do the plight of fathers any good at all. What to do?”
There’s not much we can do from North America, where I live. But the Männertag phenomenon does trigger some reflection on how fathers (and men) are characterized here.
In a few ways, we paint a more positive picture of fathers and give some lip service to their importance. But in many other ways, men and women both continue to view fathers as ancillary; not necessarily all that essential to a child’s healthy upbringing. Such notions are reinforced by cultural stereotypes of dads as inept dolts--and of men as drunken, sex-obsessed slobs.
Granted, there are too many clueless fathers and men who think the label of “animal” is a compliment. But my experience indicates that the majority of fathers are trying, as best they can, to be an engaged, positive force in their children’s lives.
So what are you doing to debunk the reflections of Männertag that linger in your world?
3 comments:
"view fathers as ancillary; not necessarily all that essential to a child’s healthy upbringing"
The extreme majority of dads I know are quite involved with their daughters and take an active role in much of their lives. Your quote paints a gloomier picture than what I see in my children's friends' lives.
I have seen occasional instances of Dad being the boy's "parent" and Mom being the girl's, but have oddly noticed this usually in two-child families. I think some of it is attributed to having limited resources with both parents working so one parent specializes in Girl Scouts, one in Boy Scouts, one in the girl's sport, and one in the boy's. Even in those families, the opposite sex parent is quite involved in both kids' lives.
I am involved with many kids both at school, in several sports, and in scouts, so this is a fairly broad observation.
I think the division is strongest in split families where the girls live with Mom, so keep up the good work you're doing to build up the divided family.
Hi,
Great information. It really helped as I am also working on fathers day.
http://www.dgreetings.com/fathers-day/
I believe men need a day to celebrate and it is OK to relax and behave in crazy ways once a year. This holiday was explained to me today by a young female engineering student who is interning in my department for 2 months. She is from the former East Germany and she told me that the holiday coincides with Ascension Day, an important fact only in that it allows these men to be off from work.
I like the idea of men wearing flowers in their hair and using bicycles to get around all day. It is free-spirited and breaks from stereotypes, it does not reinforce them.
I help my busy wife raise our daughter, a well-adjusted high-achieving young woman. I'm sure that my new desire to participate in this holiday - celebrated thousands of miles from our home - does not mean I am a poorly performing father. It might mean that I know how to let my hair down and relax. Being a good father does not preclude having a sense of humor.
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