Healthy hugging is good for you

(With thanks to the Twin Cities Men’s Center.)

Healthy hugging is good for you. It helps the body’s immune system; it diminishes depression, reduces stress and induces sleep. It’s invigorating, rejuvenation and has no unpleasant side effects. It’s nothing less than a miracle drug.

Healthy hugging is all-natural and 100% wholesome. It is organic, naturally sweet and has no pesticides, preservatives or artificial ingredients.

Healthy hugging is practically perfect. It has no moving parts, no batteries to wear out, no need for periodic checkups, low energy consumption and has high energy yield. It is inflation- and recession-proof, non-fattening and has no monthly payments or insurance requirements. It is theft-proof, non-taxable, non-polluting…and fully returnable.

Respecting My Fathering

In Monday’s NY Times, columnist David Brooks quotes from Ryne Sandberg’s 2005 Baseball Hall of Fame induction speech—and I thought Sandberg’s words are a great metaphor for being a father. Listen.

“I was in awe every time I walked onto the field. That’s respect. I was taught you never, ever disrespect your opponents or your teammates or your organization or your manager and never, ever your uniform. You make a great play, act like you’ve done it before; get a big hit, look for the third base coach and get ready to run the bases.”
Speaking of those inducted before him, Sandberg continued, “These guys sitting up here did not pave the way for the rest of us so that players could swing for the fences every time up and forget how to move a runner over to third. It’s disrespectful to them, to you and to the game of baseball that we all played growing up.
“Respect. A lot of people say this honor validates my career, but I didn’t work hard for validation. I didn’t play the game right because I saw a reward at the end of the tunnel. I played it right because that’s what you’re supposed to do, play it right and with respect.... If this [honor] validates anything, it’s that guys who taught me the game ... did what they were supposed to do, and I did what I was supposed to do.”

Perhaps I’m drawn to this speech as a metaphor because I’m a huge fan of baseball (if not of the Cubs!) and Jack Petrash’s marvelous book Covering Home: Lessons on the Art of Fathering from the Game of Baseball.

I want to respect the path paved by fathers and stepfathers who have trod before me. I want to be in awe every time I see my child sleeping at night or waking up in the morning. I never want to disrespect my child’s other parent(s) or relatives, because all of them contribute to the legacy that is my child…and my fathering.

I want to father right, doing what I’m supposed to do, and live like running the bases of being a dad is its own reward.

See more @ www.thedadman.com.

Tips for Dads and Kids Watching the Super Bowl Together

One of a Dad’s simple pleasures is watching TV sports together with his kids and/or stepkids. But what about those moments (like during some commercials) when you want to cover your child’s eyes with your hands?

Here are a few simple tips from The Dad Man to help fathers and stepfathers get more out of watching February 1’s Super Bowl XLIII (and other TV sportscasts) with their daughters and sons.

1. Spend part of Sunday afternoon tossing the ball around with your kids. Dads who are physically active with their daughters and sons increase the odds that they’ll grow up healthy and strong.
2. If she doesn't like to play catch, take a walk or bike ride together. Let your child know that you enjoy being with her. The time together may give her an opportunity to share what is going on in her life. Kids may see our enthusiasm for sports and think we’re more interested in our favorite team than in them. Making time for them on Super Bowl Sunday (and every other day) can counter that perception.
3. Try to watch the broadcast through your child’s eyes. Would any images, commercials, or events look or feel different if it was your kid on the screen? What does he think about all the hype about commercials during the game? Share your perceptions with him and ask him what he thinks.
4. When watching the game, be aware that the things your child or stepchild sees may be entirely different from what you see. For example, instead of enjoying the game, is your daughter feeling inadequate while comparing her body to the “perfect” cheerleaders? What misconceptions might the commercials give your son about what it means to be a “real” man?
5. Use the remote! If you see disrespectful or objectifying ads and images, change the channel so you, your kids, and your family don't have those images in your home. Let your kids know why you decided to flip and ask for their feedback.
6. Compare the number of female sports announcers (many fewer) and their roles (usually on the sidelines) to the number and role of the male announcers. Tell your kids what you think about those numbers. Do they mean that your daughter can’t be as big a fan as you or your son? Do you want your children or stepchildren to have their career aspirations curtailed by their gender?
7. Ask your kids which players and coaches they admire or see as heroes. Tell them which ones you admire, and then share your reasons with each other.
8. After the game, debate your opinions on the crucial plays and most exciting moments. Then invite your children or stepchildren to do something special together next Sunday to keep these conversations rolling and to convince them that the most important man in their lives takes them seriously—and enjoys being with them!
9. Use the Super Bowl to become more media-literate and sensitive to your children’s experience. Pay more attention to how media portray boys, girls, women and men. When you see an advertisement or program, ask “What if it was my child in that picture?”, and then reassess your reaction to it.

Get more fathering resources at http://www.thedadman.com/.
© Joe Kelly; All Rights Reserved

Make No Mistake: Mistakes are Essential

For pioneering fathering author Will Glennon, a dad’s biggest challenge isn’t mastering the “proper” way to change a diaper or teach your kid to read. The biggest challenge is to set aside obsolete attitudes about a father’s role and to begin fathering from our hearts. That means becoming conversant in the sometimes foreign language of emotion.

Communicating our love to our children and acknowledging their importance in our life is an undertaking of enormous significance, for our children, for our own well-being, and for generations of fathers yet to come. Historically and socially, we are conditioned to be able to put aside our feelings in order to fight. Now the purpose for which we must fight is to become fully engaged with our feelings in order to reinstate ourselves in our proper place in our children’s lives. The effort requires courage and determination, for this is new territory, an area in which we will no doubt make mistakes. (The Collected Wisdom of Fathers, p. 57)

Part of fathering is teaching our children important tasks. But the heart of fathering is nurturing the psychological, emotional, and spiritual connection between us and our kids.

As we attempt to father well, we make mistakes, some of which will seem pretty dumb. Let’s face it, a few of them actually will be dumb. But we can’t let our mistakes stop us, any more than your infant will let her “mistake” of falling down keep her from learning to walk.

Learn more @ www.thedadman.com.

The Hidden Baby Gate

Moms and dads do things differently. In fact, any two parents will do things differently (regardless of gender) because they are two different people. Kids benefit from the difference, so we parents have to make sure that our kids are exposed to both parenting styles.

To calm a crying infant, you may sit with perfect quiet in a rocking chair, slowly easing her to sleep. To calm that same crying infant, I may walk the floor, jabber nonsense, and bounce her on my knee until she tires and goes to sleep.

One way isn’t better or worse than the other, since both methods got the baby to stop crying and go to sleep. Even better, she learned that there is more than one way to nurture and to bond with more than one nurturer.

Parenting research indicates that a father is more likely to carry an infant so that she is facing away from him, while a mother is more likely to carry the baby facing towards her. Your baby needs both perspectives. It’s good for her to explore the world and it’s good for her to know her family intimately. It doesn’t matter which parent provides which—and it’s probably best if both parents provide a little bit of both.

Nevertheless, we tend to judge or rank different baby-care strategies, not based on whether they work in the end, but rather on how closely they mirror our method or the method we grew up thinking was the “right” one.

That vision is usually one that conforms tightly to worn-out stereotypes about which gender is supposed to do what when it comes to child-rearing. That limited vision is arbitrary, counterproductive, and completely inadequate to the demands of raising children in today’s world.

The key is to remember that most infants have more than one parent for very good reasons. Don’t let either parent be locked out, because that’s not good for the child.

Learn more @ www.thedadman.com
© Joe Kelly